Raising Thankful Kids Before Thanksgiving: What the Research Says

Every November, many parents feel a familiar pinch. The holiday is about giving thanks, yet the holiday ads start early and the wish lists grow long. If you have ever whispered “Say thank you!” to a child holding a gift, you are in good company. The encouraging news is that researchers have spent years studying how gratitude grows in children, and their findings point to simple habits any family can start in the weeks before Thanksgiving.

Why gratitude is worth teaching

Gratitude is more than good manners. Researchers working on the Youth Gratitude Project with the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley report that grateful young people tend to be happier and more satisfied with their lives than their less grateful peers. Grateful youth also tend to report more hope and better grades, along with less envy, depression and materialism. These findings show connections rather than guarantees, but they help explain why gratitude is worth nurturing.

The American Academy of Pediatrics’ HealthyChildren.org adds that research links gratitude to benefits such as better sleep, a more positive outlook, stronger self-esteem and more helping and sharing, all of which support resilience. A 2023 article from the American Psychological Association also points to a 2022 study in the journal Emotion in which grateful adolescents reported higher life satisfaction.

More than “say thank you”

Psychologist Andrea Hussong and her colleagues at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill describe gratitude as four connected steps: Notice, Think, Feel and Do. A child notices what they have received, thinks about why someone gave it, feels the good emotions that come with it, and then does something to show appreciation.

In one study Hussong described for the Greater Good Science Center, 100 parents kept daily diaries for ten days about how they encouraged gratitude in their 6- to 9-year-olds. Most parents, 85 percent, reminded their children to say thank you. Far fewer went deeper: only 22 percent asked their child why they thought they had received a gift. A diary study from the same research group found that on days when parents did more to build gratitude, such as talking about what their children had received from others, the children showed more gratitude that same day.

The takeaway is that a polite “thank you” is a fine start, and the conversation around it is where much of the growth happens.

Simple practices by age

Gratitude develops as children’s thinking matures, so it helps to match the practice to the child.

• Toddlers and preschoolers: The APA notes that very young children may not yet be able to think about another person’s intentions. Keep it concrete and sensory: “Doesn’t this warm soup feel good on a cold day?” or “Grandma’s hug felt nice, didn’t it?”
• School-age kids: Try the Notice, Think, Feel, Do questions from Greater Good in Action. Ask why they think someone gave them a gift, what about it makes them happy, and how they might want to show their thanks. The exercise takes about five minutes.
• Tweens and teens: Lecturing tends to backfire. Open-ended conversations work better, and older kids may find meaning in writing a heartfelt thank-you letter to a coach, teacher or relative who made a difference.

Family habits to start before Thanksgiving

• A gratitude jar. HealthyChildren.org suggests naming one good thing from the day at bedtime and collecting these in a family jar. Write each one on a slip of paper and read them aloud at Thanksgiving dinner.
• Thank-you notes. Encourage kids to say or write thanks to the people who help them. Younger children can draw a picture while you write the words.
• Serve together. The HealthyChildren.org article recommends involving kids in helping others, such as collecting food for a food bank or volunteering at a nursing home.
• Model it out loud. Thank the bus driver, the cashier and your own kids. When your child does something thoughtful, tell them specifically how it made you feel.

Keep expectations realistic. The APA article cautions against overdoing gratitude talk, which can dilute its effect or start to feel boring, and suggests responding with curiosity rather than judgment when a child seems ungrateful. A few genuine moments each week can mean more than a forced nightly routine.

Thanksgiving comes once a year, but the habits you plant this month can keep growing long after the leftovers are gone.

This article is general information, not medical advice. If you have concerns about your child’s emotional health, talk with your pediatrician or another doctor.

What helps your family practice gratitude? Share in the comments below.

Sources: American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org, “Beyond Thanks: 5 Ways to Nurture Gratitude in Children” (November 24, 2025); American Psychological Association, “Stop telling your kids to be grateful. Show them how instead” (November 21, 2023); Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley, “Youth Gratitude Project”; Greater Good Magazine, “What Parents Neglect to Teach about Gratitude” (November 21, 2017); Greater Good in Action, “Gratitude Questions for Kids”; University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, “How to practice gratitude? Notice. Think. Feel. Do.” (November 24, 2020).